This is for my ex (who is an utter failure in the kitchen). But worry not, my culinarily challenged friend. Here’s a fuckup-proof recipe to impress your parents/roommates/bitches and hoes. Serves four hungry dudes or eight socially anorexic girls.
Hachis Parmentier (mildly fancy shepherd’s pie)
Part I: Bouillon!
1lb. of beef chuck (or whatever cut you prefer to use in a stew) cut into small pieces onions, carrots, and celery (depends on how much you’d like. just cut into manageable pieces because it’ll just be for the bouillon) Several smashed cloves of garlic (use the flat part of a knife for this) Few sprigs of parsley (rinse before using) 1 bay leaf 3 cups of water 1 can of low-sodium beef broth (flavor shortcut!) Salt & pepper to taste
Dump everything in a pot. Easy enough. Bring to a boil and skim off the top layer of foam occasionally. After it stops foaming, lower heat and simmer for an hour or so. In the meantime, have a cigarette, take a few pictures of your brave attempt at cooking for Instagram, or make James get some Ezell’s if you feel like all is lost.
At this point, you have beef soup. It should taste good on its own.
Separate the solids from the broth (they sell colanders at IKEA). It’s up to you if you want to keep the vegetables, but don’t throw them out. That’s wasting food and that’s not very Asian. Strain broth. Put aside. Chop beef into small pieces. It’ll be hot, so be careful. Your delicate fingers might not be able to tolerate such heat.
Part II: Filling
1 tbsp. olive oil 1/2lb. sausage (you choose the flavor), removed from casing 1 tsp. tomato paste S&P to taste
Heat olive oil in a large skillet. Cook sausage and use a spoon to break up the chunks of meat. Add the chopped beef and tomato paste. When the sausage is cooked, add about half a cup of the bouillon to moisten the mixture, and keep stirring to mix everything together. Hopefully, you haven’t made a mess of things. Season to taste.
Part III: Potatoes
2 lb. Idaho potatoes 3/4c heavy cream Mad butter
If you don’t know how to make mashed potatoes, I pity the fool.
Part IV: Assembly
Butter the inside of a large casserole dish (or any large oven-proof dish). Dump in the meat mixture. It should be slightly moist. Spoon the mashed potatoes over the filling, and make sure that the corners are covered. Sprinkle cheese on top (Parmesan, Gruyère, Comte, etc.) and put on a baking tray (to catch drippy bits) on the center rack of the oven set at 400.
Bake for 30 minutes or until the top is golden and crispy. Serve after cooling for a few minutes. If you’re trying to impress someone, serve with a simple salad (they come in bags now), or if you’re having it with the guys, just dig in.